FINALLY

O M G fucking finally thank god I’m back!!!

I have been posting sooooo much but my stupid computer doesn’t want to cooperate and decides to NEVER UPLOAD ANY OF MY POSTS.

But now I’m back on my computer and it kinda works, for now. But unfortunately, since this is my school computer, I will be turning it in tomorrow since the screen is cracked and it’s just not working. But the IT guy on my school said that I can borrow another computer for now.

But this is just an update to tell you guys that I have made an effort, even though my computer hasn’t. This mac just drives me nuts and it’s filled with viruses somehow and it’s already too old to be able to function but yeah, the school still expects me to work normally even though nothing really works. But why complain? at least I get a computer.

But yeah, I will see what happens and what kind of posts I will be able to upload and what the circumstances there will be. But I will try to keep you posted on what’s going on.

Byyye

Love, Ellie

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I’M BACK

Hi ma babies!

I’m back once again with another try to keep the blogging up.

I’m so very sorry for the bad updates and stuff but you know what, fuck life problems. I AM going to be active from now on. Because I want to, this is what I love so that’s what I’m going to focus on instead of being limited by the issues in my life.

So hi! How are you? I have so many plans right now from all the posts I haven’t posted, which I guess is great.

I don’t have time to chat tonight, unfortunately, but I promise you that I will update you all tomorrow!

Love you all, Ellie

thursday 13/10

Hi my beauties!

This week didn’t turn out like I had planned, but it has been a really rough week so it might be understandable.

I am going to upload a little something tomorrow, and I will start from there and see how it’ll go.

I’m sitting and just waiting for the weekend to come. I’m so done with school. The last semester before summer break was really good. No worries nor cares all was good and I could focus on the fun with school and myself at the same time, but It’s been getting worse with school and it all has been crumbling down again. I really feel like never going and just staying home and everything I do except for staying inside meeting no one gives me anxiety. Ugh, why does everything have to be so hard all the freaking time. Not only school but everything, why is everything so freaking exhausting.

I’m trying not to think about it at all right now and am instead focusing on what I’m going to do for the weekend. I think I’m gonna take the time to clean out my drawers and dressers and throw out what I don’t need so I finally can put up my new shelves. Soo excited for that.

This is probably the most boring post I’ve ever written, but I just had to update you a little. It was quite a rant about life, but sometimes you need to vent a bit.

But I will hopefully see you tomorrow again.

Love, Ellie

saturday 8/10

Hi lovely ladies!

I had planned on starting to blog again this week, but it didn’t really happen and I’m mad at myself because this blog is something I really want to do. But things have been a lot for me recently and it has been hard keeping my mind on track with life.

School had been going bad, I’ve been starting to slack on the schoolwork and everything feels like it’s falling apart.

I had my birthday last weekend, it honestly was nothing big at all. Didn’t really feel like it really was my birthday.

Ugh, I just want to take a break from life for a little bit, just to get back on track. unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

School doesn’t feel right at all and it’s dragging my whole life down. I seriously don’t know what to do, it feels like I’m losing my mind.

Yeah, apart from that this week has too passed.  I’m going to try to start blogging again on monday and see if I can keep it up this time because I have a lot of awesome ideas for this blog. I feel like you guys will really like it, and so will I.

That was it for this update, which wasn’t that much of an update. Hope to see you guys soon.

Love, Ellie

monday 19/9

Hi beauties!

I am so so sick right now, fever, soar throat, headache and bad coughs. But I needed to talk to you guys today. I was planning a more creative post today, but school was very much and I’ve been pretty busy since I got home, so I just thought I’d update a little bit before I go to bed.

School was so boring today, like for real. Did nothing the first class, nothing the second class and read on the last one. It kinda sucked. Like I know it probably was chill doing nothing, but I could be doing nothing at home. If I’m going to school I want to make the most of it, god damn it lol.

But yes, I only had science and english today, except for before lunch where we have this thing on mondays where we work on whatever we need to work on to keep up with the subject. So yes. I also really want to work out, but I’ve been so sick and busy. I’m sad about it. It doesn’t feel right not working out, and I keep stressing myself about it and how lazy I am for not working out. Ugh, I really need to work on not doing that to myself.

I have been planning this week very much, and if everything goes as planned I will be uploading new posts everyday this week, yaay.

I’m totally not feeling like going to school tomorrow having math for three hours, but what to do I guess. Even though I’m not really complaining since I really like math. And I have to do it if I ever feel like going to university when I’m done with school.

Kinda sick how time keeps flying by, isn’t it? Like 2016 has passed soo fast. It’s my birthday in two weeks and everything. I feel so little and so big at the same time. 17. Like it’s so little if you think about it, my life has literally just started, but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday I started high school and became a teen at 13 and everything. I have two more years of school before I’m free to do whatever I want, it’s kinda crazy. Gosh, can I just stop the time for a moment to catch my breath. Before I know it my life will be over. I’m glad my life just begun. I can’t think about it almost being october already. It feels like I just had a summer break. Life is crazy, huh.

Yeah, enough with this rambling already, I really need to sleep. If you’ve made it this far, have a good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. See you tomorrow.

Love, Ellie

sunday 18/9

Hi my beauties!

I’m so so sorry for being inactive lately, but life has literally been piling up in front of me and it has been really hard keeping up. School has been so overwhelming and I’ve been sick for weeks now and everything is just blocking my vision a little right now. I have barely had time for the gym lately, and it hurts my soul very bad. I just want to work out but I haven’t been able too, both because I’m sick but it wouldn’t have mattered if I wasn’t because I wouldn’t have had the time anyways.

But here I am, this sunday night, listening to some chill tropical house music and painting my nails.

I’d love to have a lot to talk about and just sit here rambling about something insignificant, but I literally have nothing to talk about. I just had to keep up with you guys. I can’t let you all down like that you know. I’m literally sitting here right now and thinking about what I’m going to wear at school tomorrow. I was thinking about wearing my workout clothes all day and go to the gym right after school, but that won’t matter if I can’t gym tomorrow. Which I won’t if I still have pain in my throat.

When I started school this year I was going on and on about how great it would be just fixing the school from the beginning instead of piling it up like I always do, but look at me now. I just want to smack myself in the face for not listening to myself. I know that I really can’t help it because of my issues and stuff, but I don’t want that to be an excuse. And instead of realizing that it actually is a very good reason for not being able to keep up, I talk down on myself and tell myself that I’m stupid for not being able to do something so easy like doing one assignment in class when I’m supposed to.

Let it go Ellie, you’re struggling and it’s okay not to be okay. Keep that in mind folks. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to struggle and it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay feeling down and not be sure of anything. It’s just human, and that’s what we all are. I could tell you all how nobody’s perfect and everyone has imperfections, but I’d rather see it as nobody has imperfections, because every little thing on your skin is beautiful and makes you who you are, and therefore you all are perfect. Imperfection and flaws are something society has come up with for making everyone be like everybody else. You are you and you are perfect.

Love you all so much, Ellie

(nice little ramble for you guys)

tuesday 6/9 – mental health

Hiiii beauties!

I’m the worst blogger eveeeerr I know, but I have been sick for the past week but couldn’t skip school so the only thing I did when I got home from school last week was to like sleep. But yes, I’m back now. I haven’t done a workout progress update this week because I’m still sick, even though I had a little session at the gym today, so there’ll be almost no gym this week, sadly.

But hi, how’s life?

School is going kinda great, even though there are some problems with friends and stuff, you know the usual after summer break. It’s been a rough start of school and everything but I’m handling it, and I’m trying my best so I’ll try to figure out the best for myself.

I’ve been totally uncreative for the last couple of weeks, I’ve had no inspiration to blog at all. I think I need to have some brainstorming days now.

I’m gonna be honest and say that even though school is going well, I just want to cry when I think about it. I think that most people suffering from mental health issues will understand, but I have a hard time to be in school for a long period of time. And my thursdays are from 8.20 to 4.10 and it’s so hard for me, but I can’t fit my schedule to my needs because I only have really important classes on thursday, so it’s been quite a hard time for me. Last thursday when I got home from school I sat down in the living room and argued with my mom about shoes I think, it was totally pointless, and my mom understood something was up and asked me what it was. I told her I didn’t know and then I just started crying, out of nowhere. It’s just so hard because somewhere in my mind I thought I was getting better, but I know I’m not. But my dad was totally sweet because he called when I was sitting with my mom, when I was done crying, and I picked up and he just like casually asked how my day was, and then out of nowhere he was like “are you sad” and it was so cute because I didn’t cry or anything, but I just can’t lie to him, he just knows when something’s up.

Yeah, I don’t know what this little rant was about or anything, but I just wanted to write about it or something. I don’t know, but I will have some brainstorming sessions this week and I’ll see how it goes.

Love you, Ellie

workout – progress week 5

Hi babes!

I’m back after a week without any updating. I was going to post things, but I was so busy with school and since it was the first week of real school and real classes it was a bit to like figure out and stuff. But today I’m back with another weekly progress.

(again, I have no idea why the pictures turn out like that, it’s weird)

But yes, this is me today. Progress progress progress. I know that I say this is the fifth week, but it’s really not because I’ve been working out all summer, but I will go after the first pictures I uploaded.

This weekend has been a real downer, because I didn’t workout and I ate a lot of candy, shame on me. But that happens sometimes and it’s totally okay. The routine hasn’t changed and is still the same, start with a 20 minute run/walk, 30×5 reversed situps, 30 core/torso rotations on each side, 130kg in leg presses and I do 100 of them, 50 squats with 50 or 70 kg in weight, depending on the day. Since I work my arms in machines, I’m not really sure what weight I use, but I do 30 on the bicep with quite heavy weight, and 30 on the tricep also with quite heavy. Or at least quite heavy for me.

Yeah, so there has been both ups and downs for the past weeks but that’s okay, it happens sometimes. I seem to forget that even though I have a goal I want to reach, I’m not doing this to reach that goal and then quit. This is a change of life, and I will keep going even when I’ve reached my goals. And I do this for me, it’s important to do it for you. Because if you don’t you won’t have that same motivation. It will feel totally different. And if you really want it, it should be fun, feel good, be something that you really want to do. Working out and getting fit isn’t something you have to do, no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to do it. Do it because you want to because whatever reason you do it, it’s for yourself.

Love you all, Ellie

sunday 21/8

Hey hey hey babes!

I have been soooo busy this week with school starting and everything, so I haven’t really had time to blog anything. But I’m here now!

Soo this week has been exhausting, even though I only had school for two days. But to be honest, I’m kinda looking forward to more school. I really want to make this year better so I’m really gonna try.

I was at the gym today with my friend, it was a real hard workout and it felt really good.

I’ve also bought a lot of things for school, and maybe I’ll try to make a stationary haul for you guys.

Also I pierced my nose this friday. Just like that. Totally spontaneous. I really really like it.

Anyways, I don’t have anything more to talk about today, I’m very sorry for this boring update, but I just thought I’d let you know that I’m not dead, I’m still here.

I’ll be back tomorrow with another workout progress too.

Love, Ellie