Hi hi hi hi!!
I know that I said that I was going to upload more and post more, and even start with youtube. The thing is, this half of 2017 was a bit worse for me than I thought it would be. After the summer everything felt so much better, I was feeling so much better. But somehow everything just simply fucked up, I stopped going to school, I stopped getting out of bed, I couldn’t sleep. Yeah, everything’s been like a total nightmare. But I have been talking with my school and they know everything about it and no one is pressuring me to be there all day every single day, and I don’t have to if I can’t manage to, which I’m so greatful of. I’m on sleeping pills, and without them I sleep a maximum of an hour a night, and when I started taking them I fell asleep around 11/12 ish at night, but I’ve been fucking up my rythm and I fall asleep around 2/3/4 at night and when my alarm rings at 6 my body isn’t ready to wake up and I CAN’T for my life get out of bed, and I oversleep almost every morning. And I feel bad because deep down inside I really don’t care.
Anyway, enough of the sad already.
I’M SO EXCITED TO START YOUTUBE!! I have been planning almost everything. But I reaally reaaally want to know what you guys would like to see from me. What videos should I start with? oh, I’m so nervous. The first time actually talking to you guys it will be amazing.
Yeah comment if you have any suggestions for me.
Okay, about the post yesterday. I’m done thinking. I am going to start a youtube channel. I’m gonna stop being a pussy and being scared and do what I want to do. Like even if no one ever watches my videos, I don’t care because I will be doing something that I enjoy.
So yes, I’m officially starting a youtube channel. But I do really need your help guys, I have literally no idea of what videos I should make. Please please please help me with suggestions and inspiration. I think like right now, right of the bat, that I do want to make makeup videos, because that’s my one true passion lol. But I want to get your oppinion on what you like to watch and what you would want to see me do. So yes, it’d be nice if you could help a sista out.
Okay that’s it for today, talk to you later.
I’ve been thinking. A lot.
I want to start a youtube channel. But I want to talk to you a bit first, because I of course thought of linking it with this blog, if you get where I’m coming from. Like post here and on youtube linked to this blog. Like I post makeup tutorials and ootds and stuff, and then post the videos here. While ofcourse still doing posts for you guys.
I don’t really know why, but I’m kinda scared. Like, I don’t know. But I would love to have a channel and get a chance to actually talk, like really talk, to you guys. To bond better.
Yeah this was just a thought I had, don’t really know yet. We’ll have to wait and see.
Here today with another update for you guys.
Okay, I’ve been thinking about maybe changing my blog’s theme? but the thing is that i’m not quite sure if I want to. I really like this clean look it has now, but there are other themes and designs that I’ve wanted to try out since the beginning of my blogging. But I’m just not sure.
Like, this theme and design that I have for my blog right now is good it is pretty and it is very clean and not messy and all over the place. And I like that. But there are other things I want to try out but I don’t want to make it hard for you guys to read my blog and find what you’re looking for. I’m just not sure about the colours and about the layout of this theme, you know. And to be honest, I’m kinda tired of this. I want something fun and creative, but I really don’t want it to be “messy” if you get what i’m saying. And I don’t want colours that scream or stand out, I like it kind of clean but I also want some more personality to this.
And of course the reason why I write this post is because I want it to be easy and fun to read my blog, and easy to look around and find what you like. And I am not sure really where the line between easy and not easy is.
HI HI HI HI HI HI HI !!!!!!!!
I’M BACK! i’ve finally gotten my cmoputer and now I’m back for real and hopefully herre to stay!
It’s been so hard to blog from my phone using like the google app or like safari lol. But now it’s all over and I finally have a computer again!!
I have sooooo many plans for us, and for this blog. Omg I’m reaaaally reeeaaally excited about all of this! I hope that school this year isn’t too stressfull but I think I have more energy and go-getting this coming year so I hope it doesn’t get bad even if school is timetaking.
I feel like I want to write something and share my whole world wiht you but at this moment I don’t have any interesting to say at all, other than I have so many plans for posts and everything.
So, this was just an update. I am not dead. (yet)
It’s such a hassle blogging with my phone. Nothing is uploading and its sooo frustrating. But anyway here I am. And omg so much have been going on. And I got a TATTOO can’t believe it’s real. I’ve wanted one Since I was a kid and now I have one.
It was The best thing ever. Kinda like a pinching and burning sensation but not at all painful. I thought it was gonna be soo much worse. I did it on my thigh, a text that says “I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone” from a song by mcr that I like.
Okay, I just wanted to tell you about it. I love it so much.
It’s Been a while, i know i know. Its not that I Didn’t want to blog, it’s just that I don’t have a computer at the moment, which suuucks, and My phone is such a pain atm and I have such a hard time doing anything on it Cause It just fucks up.
Bute here I am today. It’s summer life is living. I’ve been working and earning money for a few weeks but now I’m freeeee until late August. Kinda don’t want to go back to school but it’s my last yeeeear no more school.
I haven’t had any time or energy to really work on myself or go to the gym because of work, but now that I have time I’m gonna start, and take you with me the best that I can. Although you have to live with phone photos and blogposts.
Don’t have much more to say today, just wanted to let you know I’m not dead, I’m fully alive ready to take the world.
Another update today, feels good.
It’s actually been quite a good day today, good weather and not too much going on in school. I don’t know yet if I love that it’s getting a bit warmer or if it just makes the abstinence for summer worse. I can’t even describe how much I want it to be summer, like I want it so much that it’s hard to explain. And now, when it starts getting warmer, I just get so frustrated, like can’t it just be summer already.
That’s the reason I want to move somewhere where it’s always warm, then you’ll never have to wait for it to be warm and be summer. Because the frustration I feel right now is ridiculous lol.
The reason I went on my computer in the first place was to study, but even though I feel motivated and know that I have to do it I just can’t. In my last post I talked about how I wanted to change and feel better, and that also includes school. I want to take it seriously, I want to put down work and focus on it. Because it’s only a year and a half left of school for me, and I feel like now is the time to really put some effort in it. But why does it have to be so hard? Why is school so, I don’t know, tiring? Wish it would feel good to study lol.
But anyways hope you have an amazing day and I’ll probably update tomorrow.
I have not been in a good place lately (telling from my post mental illnesses) and I’m just so sick of it.
I want to be good, I want to feel good, about everything. And it’s been so hard for me to keep up the spirit and the energy lately, and I’ve been spending a LOT of time at home in my room, no good eating habits, slim to none sleep. It’s been tearing on me.
But right now I want to start over. Get my shit together you know. And I want to make this journey with you guys, I want you to be on my side through this. I don’t only want your help and a place to document my success, but also maybe inspire other people out there to change for the better too.
This won’t be easy because habits die hard, but I really want to change. Not only getting my life together but my health too. I don’t want to get too into it but I’m on some medication and the pills I take has made me gain some weight, and that combined with me getting a sugar addiction and bad eating habits has really struck me hard. I notice it so much, both the weight gain but also my self confidence that’s nonexistent atm. And I think that has been the most stressful thing for me lately. I have never had good confidence and I don’t think I’ve ever felt good about myself before, but right now it has just been getting so much worse.
This is not a rant, and this post is not supposed to be, but I really want all of this to be documented and I want to have something holding me to it, I want something that will make me remember how bad it was so that I can compare it when it all gets better. If that makes sense. And I think that if I document my journey on here that I will have no choice but to have to deal with it and have to make some changes. Because that’s what I wanna do, change. I don’t want to live like this. This is not the life I wanna have. And I know that life just isn’t about being thin and being a model and having a good body but I do want to lose weight.
I have set my goals and I know how I’m gonna try to reach them.
I’m graduating from school next year and that’s where I have my first goal. I want to look good on my graduation day. I want to be able to reach the goals that I have and I want to be able to say “I did it”.
Set up your own goals and lets do this together. It will get better, I just know it.