sunday 18/9

Hi my beauties!

I’m so so sorry for being inactive lately, but life has literally been piling up in front of me and it has been really hard keeping up. School has been so overwhelming and I’ve been sick for weeks now and everything is just blocking my vision a little right now. I have barely had time for the gym lately, and it hurts my soul very bad. I just want to work out but I haven’t been able too, both because I’m sick but it wouldn’t have mattered if I wasn’t because I wouldn’t have had the time anyways.

But here I am, this sunday night, listening to some chill tropical house music and painting my nails.

I’d love to have a lot to talk about and just sit here rambling about something insignificant, but I literally have nothing to talk about. I just had to keep up with you guys. I can’t let you all down like that you know. I’m literally sitting here right now and thinking about what I’m going to wear at school tomorrow. I was thinking about wearing my workout clothes all day and go to the gym right after school, but that won’t matter if I can’t gym tomorrow. Which I won’t if I still have pain in my throat.

When I started school this year I was going on and on about how great it would be just fixing the school from the beginning instead of piling it up like I always do, but look at me now. I just want to smack myself in the face for not listening to myself. I know that I really can’t help it because of my issues and stuff, but I don’t want that to be an excuse. And instead of realizing that it actually is a very good reason for not being able to keep up, I talk down on myself and tell myself that I’m stupid for not being able to do something so easy like doing one assignment in class when I’m supposed to.

Let it go Ellie, you’re struggling and it’s okay not to be okay. Keep that in mind folks. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to struggle and it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay feeling down and not be sure of anything. It’s just human, and that’s what we all are. I could tell you all how nobody’s perfect and everyone has imperfections, but I’d rather see it as nobody has imperfections, because every little thing on your skin is beautiful and makes you who you are, and therefore you all are perfect. Imperfection and flaws are something society has come up with for making everyone be like everybody else. You are you and you are perfect.

Love you all so much, Ellie

(nice little ramble for you guys)

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